THE GREAT PANIC OF 2011 – AT 8:56 P.M. ET:  We had an earthquake on the East coast today, and it was a fine old affair.  Great shaking, TV programs interrupted.  The epicenter was in Virginia, and was the largest shake Virginia has had since 1897, or maybe since the day former Senator John Warner married Elizabeth Taylor.

We felt it in New York.  In fact, I was standing next to a floor lamp in our bunker in White Plains when there was slight shaking.  I heard the globes on the lamp rattling, and, recalling how difficult it was to find those glass globes, heroically grabbed them and placed them on a couch, thereby doing my bit for national preservation.  Compliments and tributes will be accepted.

It is reported that the president of the United States, on the links in Martha's Vineyard, was not affected by the quake.  No golf balls moved inappropriately on the greens, we were relieved to learn.

The reaction in New York City was, as usual, a bit theatrical.  There was some minor shaking in some places, so a small number of buildings in Manhattan were evacuated.  Naturally, reporters rushed into the streets with microphones to get the expected "it was just like 9-11" reactions.  As they say, there's no business like show business.  We await TV appearances by "mental health professionals" who will warn of post-shake nightmares, bad thoughts and insurance claims.

Nonsense.

Easterners do not know what a proper earthquake is like.  Having inconveniently been in two Los Angeles area quakes, I can attest.  I was working on The Tonight Show in 1971, during the first episode.   The show was still based in New York, but we flew out to L.A. every eight weeks for three weeks.  I was sleeping soundly in the Sheraton-Universal Hotel – you may recall that Carson referred to it as the Sheraton Impossible – when, at 6:01 A.M. on February 9th, I was abruptly awakened by major shaking and the grinding sound of the Earth moving.  The first thing I saw were drawers flying out of a bureau.  I only hoped that my underwear was not seriously injured.  I jumped out of bed, went to the window (not a good idea, as glass could be flying) and watched the lights in the San Fernando Valley go out, block by block.  (You're actually supposed to go to a doorframe and stand beneath it.  It should hold up if things around start crumbling.)  After throwing on some clothes, I rushed into the corridor to see members of the Tonight Show staff running from rooms they shouldn't have been in.   The potential for blackmail immediately occurred to me.

We all went downstairs to the lobby.  Ed McMahon stayed with the staff in the hotel, but Carson was in his home in Bel Air.  Ed, a terrific guy, was a calming influence.  He took none of this seriously.  We were fortunate that no one in the hotel was injured.  But there were injuries and deaths elsewhere.  The quake took 65 lives. 

We did the show as usual that night, but, during the taping, there was a serious aftershock, almost causing panic in the audience.  This time it was Carson who calmed the crowd.

I also happened to be in L.A. for the 1994 Northridge quake, which also occurred a bit before dawn, and which cost more than 60 lives and did major damage.  I was staying with friends, whose house was filled with glass after the quake.  One thing you learn in California quake country is to sleep with a pair of shoes, placed upside down, and a flashlight next to your bed.  The first thing you do if you're awakened by a quake is to switch on the light and get into your shoes.  If placed upside down they shouldn't have glass in them.  Then you can walk around safely. 

I did drive down Ventura Boulevard that day, and it was like a war zone.  Parts of buildings, signs and marquees were lying all over the place.  There were cracks in sidewalks.  The quake even closed production companies, which actually surprised me since industry neuroses usually sends the insecure to their offices, even in a disaster.

Those were serious quakes.  We got off easy today.  My Virginian daughter reported major shaking, but no serious damage where she was, in central Virginia.  However, Al Gore was spotted taking local temperatures.

August 23, 2011